DUMB- BASS QUESTIONS
Originally Published the Week of Aug. 10, 2022 in Western Outdoor Publications
Over the last 3 decades or so down here, I’ve been asked some crazy head-scratching questions. I call them dumb questions from smart people.
Hey, I’m just as guilty of opening my mouth before I can put the brakes on and something idiotic comes out. I do it more often than not.
But, when you run through hundreds of fishing clients and friends each year, you realize that often we are a clearing house for information.
Understandably. It’s a foreign country. People speak Spanish. It can be difficult to navigate.
We live here. We have answer. No problem.
So, daily, we get the usual questions about the weather, restaurants, siteseeing, shopping and where to purchase things. All very typical on a vacation trip.
Then, there are the other kinds of questions that leave us wanting to give a smart-alec response. But, we hold our tongues and realize that the questions are very sincere and require a somewhat sincere response as well.
“Will I get wet if I go snorkeling?”
“What happens if a shark bites me?”
“When do the salmon run upriver?”
“How come everyone speaks Spanish in Mexico?”
“What’s the best day of the week to catch a blue marlin?”
“If I’m fishing out on the ocean and have to go ‘Number Two’ and can’t hold it, what happens?”
“How come in Mexico the sun sets in the East?”
We always tell folks there’s no such thing as a bad question. But, I have to admit there’s “dumb-bass” questions like these.
I do my best to provide a deservedly sincere answer. I grin and try to remind myself that these are honest questions.
There is one subject however, that I get irked about when asked.
I recently got pulled aside by a fishing client who wanted to speak to me alone in my office. Sure. No problem. C’mon in.
I thought he wanted to complain about his hotel shower or tell me he only wanted vegetarian meals for lunch on the boat.
Instead he says, “Dude. Jonathan. Where can I score some pot or coke? I can’t find anyone or don’t know where to go. Help me out.”
(pause)
(hard stare and a longer pause)
Are you kidding me?
Yea, this deserves an honest answer. Frankly, I’m a bit put out that someone would think I know where to score illicit drugs…in MEXICO! And yes, this is more than just a dumb-bass question.
It’s a truly stupid question and the kind that will get you in a lot of trouble.
It’s not the first time someone has asked me something like this, and honestly, it never ceases to amaze me when I hear it. I look at the knucklehead who asked me.
Maybe I’m just naïve about all this.
First of all, I tell them NO! A HARD NO!
It’s not my line or my wheelhouse and I tell them if you go around asking, or you’re solicited, you could very well be talking to a narc who is looking for an idiot tourist to make a bust.
Or you hang out with the wrong people and you get in even more trouble.
I tell the person if they would enjoy being in a dirty Mexican jail with a bunch of other Mexican guys with a coffee can toilet and zero rights.
Here in Mexico, I remind them that it’s not like the U.S.
You are “guilty until you prove your innocence.” Unlike the U.S., in Mexico you are automatically guilty. And if you’re a tourist…especially an American tourist…you’re triple-dog-dare guilty.
Think long and hard about automatically being guilty!
So, someone could tell a police officer you wanted to buy drugs or a police officer could say you bought or used drugs. And, it would up to you to PROVE you didn’t do it.
Try that without being able to speak Spanish.
At worst, your life is might change radically in a bad way. At best, your vacation is ruined and you’re probably in for a bad few days.
I tell ‘em don’t be an idiot. Or a victim.
If you really need a buzz, drink tequila like everyone else.
If they are already carrying stuff get rid of it. And yes, I’ve had people actually travel INTO MEXICO with illicit drugs and chemicals.
I get away from them as soon as I can. Maximum space. Social distancing to the umpteenth power.
Don’t do it. Don’t ask me how to do it.
Yes, there are stupid questions.
That’s my story!
Jonathan
Tailhunter Sportfishing
Mexico Office: Tailhunter International, 755 Paseo Obregon, La Paz, Baja Sur, Mexico
U.S. Mailing Address: Tailhunter Sportfishing
Phones:
from USA : 626-638-3383
from Mexico: 044-612-14-17863