ATTACK OF THE STOOPIDS!
Originally Published the Week of Aug. 31, 2016 in Western Outdoor News
I have no doubts that you’re like me. Every now and then, you have “an attack of the stoopids.”
It’s one of those slap-yourself-in-the-head-kick-yourself-in-the-rear-moments when you do something so uncharacteristically STUPID, it just amazes you. Yea…it’s a knucklehead moves that happens to all of us.
It happens to some more than others. Surely, you have that one fishing friend who seems more prone to it than just about anyone you know.
In more than 20 years here in La Paz, we see it more often than you might imagine. These are cases where smart, otherwise intelligent folks, leave their common sense back home when they come on their Baja vacation.
…And they get the “Attack of the Stoopids.”
These really happened. There’s an old saying, “Your negligence shouldn’t be MY emergency.” But check these out…
Like the frantic call from the fisherman at the airport who doesn’t know what to do. He didn’t know he needed a passport to visit Mexico. Of course, it’s my emergency. “What should I do, Jonathan?”
The guy with intestinal problems. He didn’t remember until the day he arrives that he didn’t pack his colostomy bag. By the time his family Fed-Expressed it to him several days later, he was turning colors.
We’ve had similar situations with anglers who forgot their heart medications…their HIV meds…and a glass eyeball…(not kidding).
And then, another good guy who had too many tequilas. He did a huge belly flop into the pool and his dentures flew out’ve his mouth. And broke. His last words were, “Hey everyone, watch this…!”
Speaking of packing, sometimes the smartest folks have stoopid attacks.
I had a neurosurgeon who always let his wife pack his bag. She forgot to pack extra underwear for him.
He woke me at 2 a.m. in the morning, asking what he should do. He didn’t have underwear to go fishing in the morning. Dead serious. Had to assure him it would be OK. The fish wouldn’t care.
“Are you sure it will be OK? Jonathan?”
“Yes, Doc. We’ll take you to Walmart tomorrow after fishing.”
Then, there’s the good amigo who comes in the morning to go fishing. He can’t understand why the shorts he packed are so tight and don’t fit right. “They pinch!”
Turns out he had packed his wife’s shorts in his suitcase. He was wondering why they “rode up.” You bet they “pinched.”
Or the guy who opens his suitcase in his room. Instead of his fishing clothes he finds lacy black lingerie, high heels, a feather and a whip! Turns out he grabbed the wrong black bag from the airport turnstile!
There was one guy with a recipe for disaster. He got drunk and decides he wants a tattoo for his birthday. Next morning, across his chest instead of his wife’s name” ROBERTA” it says “ROBERTO.”
Jewelry can be a problem. Wedding rings…
We got a call from the airport. The client is frantic. He took off his wedding ring and he’s headed home now and just remembered he’s not wearing it! He’s pleading for us to search his room. He had some explaining to do when he got home, I’m sure. We didn’t find it.
We’re always getting calls, from folks that hid money, valuables or jewelry in the toilet tank…ceiling tiles…taped to the back of dresser drawers…in the air-conditioning duct…And then they forget! And don’t remember until they’re back home.
Or worse, they KNOW they hid it and now they are gone. But, they can’t remember where they hid it.
Of course, it’s up to US to go through the room and figure out where it’s hidden! Often the room is already occupied by someone else!
Back in the day when travelling was easier and a lot looser, a guy call us. Hopping mad. We were waiting for him to arrive. He apparently boarded his plane.
When he asked the flight attendant for the immigration papers to fill out, she told him you only need the for international flights. His secretary had booked him to Laredo, Texas instead of Loreto, Baja, Mexico!
Someone was gonna be looking for a new job.
We had a similar “vacation fail” with a family that messed up their vacation and ended up on a flight to La Paz, Bolivia instead of La Paz, Mexico!
Fishing gear is especially susceptible.
Guy walks in to show off his brand new custom flyrods…right into the ceiling fan. Whap! Whap! Whap! No more tips. Ever seen a grown man cry?
Or the angler who forgets he had 5-pounds of frozen squid in his tackle box. In the trunk of his car. In the Baja sun. And they leaked. Into the back seat. For two days. And it’s a rental car.
Or in the middle of a red-hot bite, the fisherman who realizes he clamped all his reels on his rods…backwards.
Or shows up to fish and it hits him…he FORGOT to bring his reels and only brought the rods!
There’s just no cure. The knucklehead bug can hit us with an “attack of the stoopids” at any time!
You see, some of the things I mentioned above.
I’m the guy who was the knucklehead. Even I leave my brains at home sometimes.
That’s my story!
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Jonathan Roldan has been writing the Baja Column in Western Outdoor News since 2004. Along with his wife and fishing buddy, Jilly, they own and run the Tailhunter International Fishing Fleet in La Paz, Baja, Mexico www.tailhunter-international.com. They also run their Tailhunter Restaurant Bar on the famous La Paz malecon waterfront. If you’d like to contact him directly, his e-mail is riplipboy@tailhunter-international.com or drop by the restaurant to say hi!
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Jonathan Roldan’s
Tailhunter International
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Website: www.tailhunter-international.com
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“When your life finally flashes before your eyes, you will have only moments to regret all the things in life you never had the courage to try.”
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