OLD STOGIES I HAVE FOUND…SHORT BUT NOT TOO BIG AROUND

Originally Published the Week of June 24, 2021 in Western Outdoor Publications

          I don’t know why Roger Miller’s classic lines in “King of the Road” always pop into my head at times like these.

         I am currently “hiding” on the closed 2^nd floor of our Tailhunter Restaurant in La Paz trying to come up with something to write about. 

         To be honest, I’m looking out over the waterfront and late afternoon sunset over La Paz Bay.  My laptop is out and I just can’t think of anything.  Brain-dead syndrome.

         But, I do have a cigar that I’m gently puffing on and a short 2 fingers of Pendleton whiskey to sip.  Perfect to dip the end of my cigar.

         I feel a bit guilty.  The blues and oranges of the sunset are looking like a Maxfield Parish sky.  I can smell grilled carne asada in the breeze from our restaurant kitchen downstairs seeking me out. 

         Except for not having a clue about what to write about, I’m enjoying this bit of solitude up here on the deck; watching the world go by and frankly feeling like I’m living large. 

         …and then there’s Roger Miller in my head too!

       I’m not a big cigar smoker.  Never cared for the things until just a few years ago.

       Good friends, Bart Hall (Fred Hall Fishing Shows) , John Pettey (Famous goldsmith) and the late great Jack Nilsen (Accurate Fishing Reels) invited me to an inner-sanctum tent at the Long Beach Fred Hall Fishing Show.

       After knowing these guys the better part of 30 years, I had never received an invite to “the tent.”  It’s kind of exclusive I heard.

        I told them I don’t like cigars and don’t know how to smoke them. 

       But, I was also told that I would only get “one invitation.”

       When 3 giants of the fishing industry invite you, it’s a good idea to go!

       Over several hours, I was “indoctrinated.”  Good stories and shots of whiskey, bourbon and wines helped seal the deal.

       That started it.

       If I’m lucky, I will enjoy maybe 2 cigars a month.  If I’m really lucky, I’ll get to puff a cigar more than half-way before the phone rings or folks show up or I have to attend to someone or something related to our restaurant or fishing business.

       I know smoking is bad for you. I”ve never smoked anything other than fish in my smoker.

        My wife, Jilly gets major props for stopping cold turkey on cigarettes when we first got married.

       But, I asked her if she minded me puffing a cigar now and then.  She said absolutely not.  It was one of the rare moments when she said that I stopped and slowed down for a few minutes.

       It truly is. 

       And frankly, she’ll stop by and take a draw on my cigar now and then herself.  I think she looks pretty good with a cigar in her hands.  It’s kind of a dangerous look.  Little rebel that she is.

       Lately, I’ve seen more and more guys coming down either with cigars or asking me where to get cigars.

       I’ll be honest, I’m not a cigar snob.  I’m also a cheap bastard.  Or, let’s just say I’m “economical.”

       Many decades ago, I was flying down here to Baja and a friend asked if I would buy a box of Cuban cigars for him.  I told him no problem.

       Until I went to actually purchase some Cubans.  Holy cow…I thought an entire box of Cubans would cost about $20 bucks!  They were $20 PER CIGAR!

       I came back with two cigars for him.

       I’m in the budget class.  Just like wine and tequila.  I know what I like and it doesn’t have to be the most expensive.  I”ll take a great cheeseburger over a terrible $40 steak any day of the week.

       There’s a lot of excellent things that don’t necessarily come from the top shelf.

        I cringe at the thought of paying a lot of money for a cigar I might only get to smoke for 5 minutes before I have to stamp it out because I get called away to do something.

       But a lot of guys ask me where they can buy Cubans. Or good cigars.

       I tell them if they’re just looking for a good cigar, many convenience stores in Mexico sell them from little cases. 

       They’re not Cubans.  Most likely Nicaragua or Dominican Republic tobacco, but if you’re just looking for something to puff on the beach at sunset with a cold beer or a sipping tequila or after dinner, they’re not bad.  And not expensive.

       On the other hand, if someone says they have “genuine” Cubans and they’re “almost free.”  You might want to pass.

       Surprise!  There’s a lot of phoney Cuban cigars being sold.  Just like that $25 Rolex watch or the “genuine” Gucci handbag deal. 

       C’mon man.

       Not being a gourmet cigar guy, I did a little research.

       Like anything else, you do get what you pay for.  No one will be selling you a genuine Cuban for 5 bucks. 

       If you know your prices ahead of time, you’ll know when a deal is too good to be true.

       The guys peddling cigars in little boxes on the marina are not Cubans.  Cubans are not packed in boxes with glass lids.

       It helps to know your packaging too. 

       A box of good cigars look alike because of quality control in the factory.

       Check for labels and cigar bands.  The folks who make the real deal are as picky about their labels and seals as Mercedes and Polo.  They’re stuck to the product, not floating inside the box.

       I can guarantee you that the any seller who tells you he has a guy-who-knows-a-guy who works in the Cohiba or Montecristo factory back in Cuba…doesn’t know anyone. 

       He DOES know a sucker when he sees one.  Don’t be that guy.

       Take a look at the cigar itself.  One tell-tale sign is a cigar with different colored outter tobacco wrappers.  Called a “barber pole”. It’s a pretty good sign of a counterfeit .

       If you do happen to light up a Cuban, it should burn with a gray ash.  Somewhat of a salt-and-pepper appearance.  If the ash burns bright white, it’s a good sign you got a counterfeit stogie.

       None of these are sure-fire tell-tale signs.  Counterfeiters are very good. 

       But, counterfeit cigars aren’t necessarily bad either.  It doesn’t have to be Cuban to be good.  Just know what you’re buying.   

       And enjoy what you’re smoking. 

       I think I just wrote my column. 

       “Trailer for sale or rent…”

That’s my story!

Jonathan