YOUR NEGLIGENCE ISN’T ALWAYS MY EMERGENCY

Originally Published the Week of June 15, 2021 in Western Outdoor Publications

         Over 3 decades of taking care of fishermen and travelers here in Baja, I’ve seen a lot of things. 

         Many things just cause me to scratch my head and say, “What were they thinking?”

         I’m as guilty as the next person. 

         There are times for all of us when the unexpected occurs.  We’re too busy or distracted or whatever…

         …and we do something dumb.  Something we normally would not have done or would not have happened under ordinary circumstances.

         Accidents happen.  Poop happens. Murphy’s Law punches us in the nose when we least expect.

         But, then there are other times when I don’t scratch my head.  It’s more like I throw up my arms and walk away.

         What’s that saying? 

         “You can’t fix stupid.”

         My wife, Jill, and I see hundreds of folks a year pass through and it’s a cavalcade of errors, foibles and guffaws on almost daily basis.

         There’s the “everyday” things that could happen to anyone.  Often easily rectified.  Or at least, we can help with a resolution.

         Someone forgets a phone charger.  Luggage goes somewhere unintended.  Someone forgets sunscreen or a hair dryer. A sweatshirt gets misplaced.  

          Someone has too much to drink. Or not enough (water!).

        That’s just regular stuff.  Maybe a small emergency for the client, but to us, it’s just another day at the office in paradise.

       Then, there’s the larger stuff. 

      Things in the grand scheme of things that are important and maybe expensive losses, but ultimately, there’s a remedy.  It’s just that for us, there’s not much we can personally do about it.

     You forget the charger for your laptop or you forget your laptop completely.  

     You lose your passport.  Or you forget your passport.  You lose your money.  You forget those expensive Maui Jim /Costa /Oakley sunglasses on the beach.

       You show up the wrong day for your flight. 

       Simple accidents that can happen to anyone.   Not much to do except move on. Take the loss and learn a lesson.

       But, then there are the ridiculous, mind-numbing things people do that have us asking if people leave their brains at home when they go on vacation.

       We can’t fix it.  We can’t fix you. 

       There’s no magic wand that I possess.  But these are things over the years that we’ve been asked to remedy.

       We can’t help you get out’ve a ticket when you get drunk and you flip off a Mexican police officer.  Or moon him.  Or flash your boobs at him.

       Or, you gave a cop “attitude” because you’re an American and you’re on vacation and it’s OK to have an open container in a rental car.

       Your friend said it’s OK for tourists to drink-and-drive in Mexico.   And the cop took your driver’s license AND gave you a ticket?

       Wow.  Imagine that!

       No, we can’t find the taxi you climbed into in the middle of the night.  You left your ipad, iphone or wallet in it. Telling me the cab driver was short, brown and wears a baseball hat doesn’t help us.  Or that he has a mustache.  

       And here’s an eyebrow raiser…

       Believe me, I don’t know what to do now that you tell me you forgot your colostomy bag at home.  I have spare hooks and fishing line.  As a habit, I do NOT have extra colostomy bags!

       Or that you forgot your heart medication.  Or you forgot your HIV meds. 

       Oh, they’re $600 here in Mexico?  Really?  No, I can’t get you a discount at the pharmacy.  No, I will not use my credit card to help you out.

       Oh, you forgot to bring any cash at all and you have no credit cards.  And you want me to float you a loan so you can go partying.  Only $2000 dollars.  Yes, I’m sure you’re good for it.  Yes, I know you’re my “Bro!”

       Just stay in the room and watch Mexican soccer on TV.

       And this happened once…

       Your wife always packs your bags for you.  And she forgot to pack extra underwear for you.  And now you insist you CANNOT go fishing unless you have new underwear!  You will NOT use your swimming shorts.  I guess I can call you a taxi to take you to Walmart.  Maybe…I’ll just let you suffer. 

       Here’s a dangerous one…

       You met a local girl who became your “girlfriend” while you’ve been here.  In an “error or judgement” somehow…someway you promised to bring her back to the states with you. 

       And she’s following you everywhere and her parents want to meet you?  Will I go with you to meet them and explain things?  Uh…I’m really busy.

       And then…

      Your last words were “hold my tequila” as you did a cannonball into the hotel pool. Unfortunately, it was the kiddie pool.  And your dentures flew out and you busted a rib.

      Or…

       You tossed furniture out the hotel window and broke a mirror and lamp inside the room and tore up the plumbing in the shower.  You can’t believe they’re throwing you out. 

       No, I can’t help you get a refund for the nights you missed or the fishing days you lost.  Yes, I believe they gave you a choice of calling the police or leaving the hotel.

       And a doozie…

       OK, you went to a “gentleman’s club” last night.  One of the “hostesses” there told you she’s really a grade schoolteacher back in Mazatlan.  Poor thing is just working to make enough money to fly back there to her mom. 

       And you gave her your credit card to buy a plane ticket so she could stop working like this.   

       Today you find out your card is maxed.  That’s how you were going to pay your rent?  And you went back to the club today and there’s no one named “Maria” that works there?  

       You think you might have been tricked?  Gosh.  Wish I could help you.

       NOT.

       Some things just can’t be fixed.

That’s my story!

Jonathan