What do you think? It looks to me like Aiden’s self-esteem is just fine!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Originally Published in Western Outdoor News the Week of Sept. 25, 2012

Most of you reading this column are most likely outdoor folks.  I mean, you most likely fish, hunt, camp and do other outdoors type stuff.   Right?

This could be my easiest column ever.

I hear a lot of stuff over the 17 years I’ve been in Baja.   Every now and then, something slams my ears that leaves me with my mouth open, not  because I have nothing to say.  It’s because I have too much to say and it all wants to come flying out of my piehole in a gush!  Ever have one of those moments?

So much wants to be said that my brain goes into momentary lockdown freeze.  And short of some profanity coming out, all I can say is, “Are you kidding me?”

I was talking to some parents about fishing and the parents were showing some interest in “trying fishing” but weren’t sure if it would be a good activity for their kids unless…

“. . .I could GUARANTEE fish because otherwise it might be bad for their kid’s ‘self-esteem’ if they didn’t catch fish.”

Open mouth.

Raised eyebrow.

Profane thought passing briefly through my grey brain matter

And all I could say was, “Are you kidding me?”

The scary part was they weren’t kidding.   If their kids didn’t catch fish, the aspect of “failure” might somehow irreparably damage junior’s self esteem that he’d require serious couch time with the therapist.

I exaggerate a tad, but there was genuine concern for the young-uns self-worth.  Can’t let the kids feel like a failure if he doesn’t catch a fish.

I probably did not do the right thing, but I didn’t feel like sitting down and having a lengthy philosophical discussion on child-rearing with them.  Furthermore,  I’m too smart to ever GUARANTEE that someone is going to catch a fish.

The wise-guy in me wanted to really tell them to put their kids in insulated bubbles.

Don’t let them walk down the street.  They might trip. FAIL

Don’t let them play catch with a ball and drop it.  FAIL.

Don’t let them tie their own shoes.  Might come untied.  FAIL

Oh, the things that flew threw my cockeyed brain.  But, I bit my tongue.

So, I gave them some perfunctory response and let it go at that.

I mean, if they even have to ask, then the last thing I need is to find out now junior’s psyche is permanently scarred because he didn’t catch a fish!  Oh the guilt.  I might not be able to live with myself…or something.

But, at the beginning of this, I mentioned this might be my easiest column.   I could end this by saying,
What would YOU say to them?  And leave the rest blank…Let you fill in the rest.

How many of you have ever “failed” at fishing?  How many of you are fishing BECAUSE a parent or older adult took the time to take you to wet a line.  “Failure” per se really wasn’t part of the equation.  It IS the equation!  We lose fish.  We get skunked. The fish win…most of the time!

I imagine if you’re reading this, you’ve probably come out on the short-end more often than not and still had a ball.  You  kept at it simply BECAUSE that darned fish kept fooling you.  Failure motivated you to try it again…and again…and again.  And you somehow managed to have fun!

And along the way, you  accumulated a lifetime of memories.   Life works like that.  Funny how that happens.  All that psycho-babble stuff about the “journey” being  more important than the “destination.”

Personally, I think of my father.  We don’t talk much anymore and I miss him.  And I think of all those times he took me fishing.  I didn’t know it then, but dad was a terrible fisherman.  Great dad, but   I never realized until I was older that we NEVER caught fish!

But, I was always eager to go and he was always eager to take me.  A lot of our failure might have been my fault.  I have zero patience and a narrow attention span.

It often wasn’t long before I was throwing rocks in the water (“Jon, you’re scaring the fish!) or eating all the Velveeta cheese (“You ate all the bait?” or “You fed all the anchovies to the seagulls?”) or doing something detrimental to our success (“Why didn’t you go to the bathroom BEFORE we rowed out here?”)

So, by self-esteem standards, I was a failure.  And it was dad’s fault.  He set me up for failure..and ultimately success.  And I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Obviously, given my career path, the fact that we were big fat losers, didn’t deter my enthusiasm for the sport or the outdoors.   Self-esteem?  I usually couldn’t wait to swagger up to my school chums to tell ‘em, “My dad took me fishing this weekend!”  Neener neener.  Yea, I swaggered.  Didn’t catch a fish, but I swaggered. And I was proud of having a dad who took me fishing too!

My wife, Jilly, tells me of similar circumstances as well.  Although she comes from a long line of San Diego fishermen who really DID know now to fish!

The men in her family were insightful enough to take her fishing.  Yup, take the little girl out in the woods; out on the pier; and out on the sportboats.  And it took awhile for her to catch her first fish.  But, she proudly still tells stories about being the little girl out there fishing with the boys and holding her own.  Backing down from no one!

And when she finally caught that first fish…well, it went straight into the freezer.  For six months.  And became her show-and-tell story for anyone who would listen.

Proudly.

I’m grateful our parents weren’t so worried about our self-esteem. They let us fail.  Proudly.  With swagger!  Neener neener.

That’s our story!

Jonathan

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Jonathan Roldan has been writing the Baja Column in Western Outdoor News since 2004.  Along with his wife, Jill, they own and run the Tailhunter International Fishing Fleet in La Paz, Baja, Mexico  www.tailhunter-international.com.  They also run their Tailhunter Restaurant Bar on the famous La Paz malecon waterfront.  If you’d like to contact him directly, his e-mail is riplipboy@tailhunter-international.com  or drop by the restaurant to say hi!

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“When your life finally flashes before your eyes, you will have only moments to regret all the things in life you never had the courage to try.”