That's My Story

What you say and what you mean and vice versa aren't always correct!

RELATIVELY SPEAKING!

Originally Published in WESTERN OUTDOOR NEWS the Week of May 28,2010

Having been down here now since the mid-90’s and been travelling down here to Baja since well before that,  you would think that I’m fluent in Spanish. Ashamedly, I’m not.  I’m better than most, I guess, but many times when someone is speaking to me, I nod my head alot.  I say, “Si. Si (yes yes)” alot.  Or ask them to “Como?”  (Repeat themselves) hoping with fingers crossed-behind-my-back that if they repeat themselves enough I might understand things in the context. 

            If they laugh.  I laugh.  They must have told a joke.

            If they look sad or disappointed, I have some handy Spanish phrases like “Oh that’s a shame” or “That’s really too bad,” to reflect that I sympathize.

            If they act disgusted or it’s obvious they’re cussing someone out, I have my handy-dandy Spanish cuss words to jump right in there!  Even when I’m not sure who or why they’re angry, but darnit, I HATE that same person too!

            Some targets are obvious…the government. . . neighbors…an employee or employer.  Those are easy.

             The harder ones are when  the bad joo-joo towards family members.  You have to tread lightly if they’re cussing out the wife (or husband).  If you jump in, YOU could be the next target.

             The last thing a guy wants to hear is you agreeing that his wife is a lazy money-spending- so-and-so.  Even if HE started the tirade.  One thing you can be sure of, they NEVER EVER EVER cuss out Mom!

            So, the last few weeks, I’ve been with fishing clients who (I say with a big smile) did the gringo-speak-Spanish for a whole week.  I’ve explained before.

             Often gringos encounter Spanish and do two things.  They speak LOUDER, but not slower or in more simpler terms.  Or, they do things like add “EL” to the beginning of any English word and the letter “O” to the end.  Ergo, we get funny  stuff  like “El bed-O” or “El beach-O” or “El suitcase-O”.  You get the idea.

            I was on a panga with two clients who were doing a combination of LOUD-speak as well as “El” and “O” to their words and happily assuming they were being understood as if they were Spanish fluent. 

            For the first hour, they would just jabber away with my captain who would do his best to understand as they shouted at him or masticated the language.  He did his best to grin and try to understand and respond when he could.

            I’d intervene when I could but often, our captain would repress a smile and roll his eyes when he’d look at me and we’d both stem a laugh.  After one point the clients sincerely thought they were having a good discussion with the captain about Mexican economics (of all things!), the captain could take it no more.

            “Senores, please to stop.  I think it is to be better if  all speak in English!” he yelled back at them in our own English.  There was a pause as it settled on the fishermen that the captain had just spoken pretty good English. 

            It was followed by a big laugh by us all. We communicated famously for the rest of the day.   It helps to have a good sense of humor in any language!

            My Spanish has great improved over the years and fortunately, I’ve been blessed with some very very patient friends and co-workers here in La Paz that try to steer me straight and keep giving me little Spanish lessons.

            Our latest uphill funny battle regards our newest businesses.  For over a year now, my wife, Jilly, and I have owned the FUBAR cantina and the TAILHUNTER restaurant right on the La Paz waterfront.

            After much handwringing and soul-searching “board meetings” over cold beers and nachos. We thought those were good names. 

            If you’re familiar with military acronyms like SNAFU (Situation Normal All “Fouled” Up) then you’re familiar with FUBAR (Effed- up or “fouled” up Beyond All Recognition).  If you knew what we went through to get the FUBAR open and what we started with and what we ended up with, FUBAR is more than appropriate for a Mexican bar!

            For the name “TAILHUNTER” it seemed that since our logo is a mermaid and our business is fishing, what better name than “TAILHUNTER?”  It seemed a nice play on words and good for marketing.

            Two problems.

            Our Mexican amigos and guests don’t understand either of the words FUBAR or TAILHUNTER.  There is no direct translation for being “effed-up” or “fouled-up” beyond-all- recognition.  I’ve reverted to using hand signs to explain it with a smirk and rolling my eyes as I pass my digital finger of one hand through a circle made by the index and thumb of the other.  That gets them laughing.

            Try it yourself as you move your one index finger through the “hole” made by the other.  Sorry for being crude. Hand signs are wonderful universal learning devices.  It’s an honest answer to a sincere question!

            TAILHUNTER also elicits some howls.  “Hunter” in Spanish is “cazador.”  Easy enough.

             But “tail” can be expressed as “cola” (the part on the dog that wags).  Or “culo” in slang, the part directly UNDER the dogs tail.  The words are very very similar and one slip in pronunciation throws it way off  kilter!

             “You hunt what?”  Incredulous eyes go wide and everyone laughs.  I have to explain that it’s “fish tails” We are hunters of fish tails!  Lord help me, life is always interesting down here!

 Jonathan Roldan is the Baja Editor for Western Outdoor News since 2006.  He lives with his wife, Jill, in La Paz, Baja Mexico where they operate the Tailhunter International Fishing Fleet and can be found at the Tailhunter Bar and Fubar Cantina Restaurant on the historic La Paz waterfront.  Come by and visit.  Website www.tailhunter-international.com or by e-mail riplipboy@tailhunter-international.com