That's My Story

NO TACO LITE!

Originally published in Western Outdoor News the week of Feb. 6, 2007

Photo 1: Rows of salsas and other condiments lined up next to the grill to fill your tortillas!

Photo 2: Always good to taste a bit before you slather your food with something far too hot for your palate! Don’t judge by looks!

Photo 3: Pile it on! Street eating in Baja is a fun adventure in culture and inexpensive dining. The rule of thumb is to eat where you see everyone else eating!

Well, by the time you’re reading this, I’ve officially been “on tour” for over a month now and have yet to be out of weather that wasn’t freezing or below. From California to Utah and Wyoming to Colorado, we’ve been under snow and ice every single day. By the time you’re reading this, we’ll be in the “warm rain” of Portland. Oh sure…

It’s been outstanding meeting so many of you who come by our booth just to say hi and tell me you’re enjoying the column or even to tell me you don’t like what I wrote. But at least you’re reading the Baja columns and Pat McDonnel and Rich Holland are happy you’re not canceling your subscription!

As one amigo told me in Denver, “I disagree with most of what you say and think you’re most writing goofy stuff but I read to your column first thing when I get my subscription every week. Then my wife gets to hear me get pissed at you!” (He said that laughingly…I think).

Anyway, when you live in Baja like we do, you’ve often heard me crave for things like In-N-Out double double burgers (animal style of course!) or slices of Round Table Pizza. And I’m danged grateful when you amigos bring them down to me…cold, greasy, soggy and sometimes even floating in melted ice. It’s the THOUGHT and I’m danged grateful for these morsels of America. Yum!

But, for the last month, we’ve basically lived on fast food. Try it sometime. Ever thought you couldn’t get enough Big Mac or Krispy Kreme donuts? Ever thought you would get tired of Kentucky Fried extra crispy? That’s two to three meals a day ordering from some poor shmoe doing his best efforts with a paper hat on his head. (Been there myself!)

These days when you walk into one of those places you have to actually stand in line and STUDY their “menu!” They have parfait yogurt breakfast now? What’s a “carb free burger lettuce wrap”? What do you mean do I want my catsup “on the side?” Side of what? And no, I cannot understand what the heck you’re saying out’ve that little speaker! It’s snowing on me for criminy sakes and I do NOT want an action figure. Just gimme the danged burger! I don’t care if the steak sandwich lite comes with a cartoon cup!

This is where I long for the sunny carritos of Baja! The little carts you find on just about every street corner in every barrio (neighborhood). You can smell the grilled carne asada beef long before you see the smoke emanating and surrounding the grill cook. He’s the neighborhood Benihana meistro chopping, flipping, and filling tortilla after tortilla. He stands in a fog of smokey delicious haze under a single light bulb and a radio rhythmically booming words you don’t understand from a tiny speaker long blown out by music played too loud.

The best carritos usually have a crowd around them every night and the smell of spices, onions and garlic hook you like a dorado come to feed. At night, the grillman orchestrates the sizzling meats and his assistant takes the orders and money like a carnival barker.

Old friends and neighbors greet each other. Kids chase around in the dirt and there’s always a dog somewhere looking for scraps. But step right up. Que quieres? (What do you want?) Just order. Start with two tacos. Chunks of the savory meet is piled on open soft homemade corn tortillas that are still steaming hot. Nothing fancy. What silverware? You wont’ find a menu. Forget the low carb thing. What’s medium rare? No substitutions, por favor! You want what on the side? Sure…everything is “on the side.”

This is where the fun begins. Every cart worth it’s pesos has bowls of chopped marinated red onions, crispy green cilantro, creamy guacamole, sliced Mexican limes, radishes and fiery jalapeno chiles. And the salsas! Always a good idea to taste before you proceed with a little on your finger, but be adventurous. Salsa fresca with sweet fresh tomatoes and green chiles. Salsa verde made of roasted chiles and peppers. Tart salsa verde made from fresh green tomatillos or the one on the end made of ground peanuts, chiles and peppers that looks like spicy peanut butter. Sabrosa y muy rica!

It’s not a question of where you start? It’s where you end. When you finish two, go to three or four or sit for awhile and visit with your neighbors. Then order two more. The cart folks trust you to keep track. Pull a frosty orange or strawberry soda bottle out of the ice chest and try to cool that last jalapeno. Then order more. No rush. No waiters. No waiting. No happy cups or Spiderman action figures. But please pass the napkins!

When you’re done, they trust you to tell them how many you ate! 40 pesos? That’s all? No menu choices. No extra grande super size. No calorie counting. Waddle away. Just step away before you hurt yourself! Ahhh…simple. Just great Mexican eating! Vamos a comer!

That’s my story. If you ever want to reach me, my e-mail is riplipboy@aol.com.