That's My Story

DELICATE SUBJECT – published March 2006 – Western Outdoor News

If you have delicate ears (or eyes) don’t read any further because this is probably a subject that has never been in this column before. However over the last few weeks, for some reason, I got a zillion questions at all the trade shows about using the restroom on a panga and the lack of “facilities” on Baja fishing craft. I think at the Fred Hall Show in Long Beach, I must’ve had that posed to me about a dozen times. Hmmmm.

This is how you can really tell that Baja is changing. In the “old days” us manly-men being true burly men, relieving ourselves wasn’t an issue, was it? Like the little 8 year-old inner child still in all of us, if we had to go, we just let it fly, right? That was always one of the cool things about going fishing in Baja. Yo-ho-ho. This is the Baja frontier! Beer in. Beer out. Cactus, rocks, car tires, over the side of the boat…marking our territories like little boys gone wild.

But these days, I’m getting more and more questions from guys now leaving life-long chums at home and bringing wives, girlfriends and daughters to Baja. They want to know about potti’s or the ladies themselves want to know about potti’s. Don’t laugh. This is serious stuff. I’m getting questions from “first timers” who have never been to Baja and want to know things like, “What’s the quality of the toilet tissue in Baja?” Yes. I have been asked that! It’s a different type of person coming to Baja these days, Lads.

I figure if a dozen people actually can bring themselves to ask me in person or e-mail about this subject, there’s probably a lot more of you with inquiring minds that want to know. Look. Life is all about choices…and consequences. Get up now or sleep 30 more minutes? Turn right or left? Big Mac or Dominos? One more shot of tequila or…? Everything has consequences.

I actually got asked, “If I have to go #1 or #2 in a panga and can’t hold it, what happens?”

(Pause and deep exhale on my part) Like I say, life is full of choices and ergo consequences. The answer seems pretty clear to me. You have a choice to make.

There’s that bucket on deck. There’s that cut off plastic bleach bottle there too. There’s that big ocean out there. You could have taken care of it before you ever climbed on the boat. The number one rule to remember, “NO ONE WANTS TO WATCH YOU!”

I’ve been told how uncivilized that is. I hear it’s gross and unthinkable and how they could NEVER do something like that (emphasis on the “NEVER” part). Look, if you gotta go, you gotta go. What do you think folks did before Englishman John Crapper (yes, this is true) invented the first “water closet?” This is still the Baja. You gotta go with the flow (no pun intended). If you want climate controls, fluffy bath towels, a mint on your pillow and concierge services, go to Vegas. Choices.

I was working on a panga one time and one of the anglers suddenly set up the bailing coffee can on the deck near his feet open side up. He laid down on his back in the panga. He started to unzip. He saw our incredulous stares and explained that he didn’t want anyone to see him so he was planning to spray into the air hoping it would land in the can!

We gave him a few choices too. The word “swim” and “death” were mentioned if he attempted to complete his task.

Look, I’m not insensitive to times when there really is a need for facilities or for you ladies. Mostly, it’s just a matter of planning. However, chin up. The way things are changing in Baja, I have no doubt it’s coming around. I see more and more boats with fancy-schmancy plumbing. I have even seen pangas with heads on them (that no one uses anyway because they are under a hatch in the open where everyone can see you!) and I’ve seen some beaches that are among the most pristine in the world suddenly sprout porta-potties on them. Miles of white sand and then around the corner…a lovely plastic “totem pole” of civilization plopped right there. Just what we need to see. I can’t wait.

That’s my story. If you ever want to reach me, my e-mail is riplipboy@aol.com.

Jonathan